Thursday, December 11, 2008


Ways to ignore software vendors who telemarket...

As vendors attempt to make their numbers for the end of the year, the volume of cold calling using telemarketing will increase...

Here are some best practices to annoy telemarketers of software vendors:

  • When they're talking, (as soon as you know it's a telemarketer), start saying "No" to everything they ask. Even say "No" while they're talking. For best results, keep the same tempo but change your tone and loudness between "No"s

  • Pretend to be interested; waste lots of their time

  • Read the love poetry, The mission statement of some project within your enterprise, etc

  • Ask lots of annoying, boneheaded questions. If you can't think of any, read Robert McIlree or James Robertson blog to them.

  • Ask them how much they contribute to open source as most sales folks tend to not have a clue about other than what they sell.

  • They usually are prepared with quotes from Gartner, so ask them about what a small firm such as Redmonk would say about them?

  • Say, "Sorry, I can't talk now. I have to find a clever way of using cliche phrases such as best practices in my powerpoint presentation to executives, but I would like to borrow some of yours too

  • Burst into a maniacal giggling fit as soon as they mention the company's name.

  • When they tell you the company's name, say, "You're still in business? I guess the bomb still has another 30 seconds or so.

  • Try to sound like an operator: "Hello, you have reached the Disco Divas Hotline. ... Presione la estrella para escuchar estos mensajes en español. Serrez livre pour écouter ces messages en français. ... Press 1 to listen to disco music. Press 2 to order our Disco Divas CD. Press 3 to repeat these messages.

  • Or you might try another short and sweet approach by simply saying, "I'm not interested, to save my time and yours, I will just say 'goodbye'

  • I will buy your product if you can legally prove to me that you are not in an outside country taking jobs away from [your country here].

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